Really?….Seriously?

Yay, it’s vent time again! I guess you could say that this blog has become my online diary/journal. When I first made this blog (notice I changed the name, may have to change it again) I really didn’t know what area of things I wanted to speak about. I always heard pick a thing to blog about and blog about it, well I didn’t know what to pick. I’m not much of a fashionista I don’t get into fashion like most girls do. I just really didn’t know where this blog was headed, but recently I broke my shell and decided that I was going to start writing about whatever it is that was on my mind, good or bad, liked or not liked. This has become my outlet to let things off my chest and to keep things from being bottled up. My first intention for this blog was to blog about my kids, which I LOVE to talk about my kids and share my pictures and stories and I will continue to post about my kids, but I have found that I really want this blog to be on the things I need to let off my chest. I want to express my anger, my sadness, my happiness, my opinions, my feelings on this blog. It has helped me tremendously (I know I have said that a lot, but it does help!)

With all of that being said, here it goes! As I have stated in a previous blog post I really don’t like to let my weaknesses be known, but being this post has a lot to do with one of my weaknesses, in order to write this, I have to share that little secret of mine.

I can’t get over this feeling of feeling like I don’t quite fit into the “adult” world. I am a mother and I am a wife, but somehow when I am around others I feel as if they look at me like a child, not because I act like one, but just because I feel that way. I think I am battling with self-confidence here! I know you’re probably saying, “ Well, honey, you’re only 24 years old.” and “What’s your rush to grow up?” Its not really that I am in a rush to grow up. I’ve had to grow up! I got pregnant with my first-born when I was 16, got  married at 19, and had my second child 8 days before I turned 21. No more being a child for me.

My issue is that, around others, I sort-of clam up, feel like an outsider, and don’t quite feel like I am welcome into the adult realm with the other adults around me. Maybe it is because I am only 24, but I am married and do have two kids so I am kind-of in the middle of being an “adult” and being “child-like.” I feel so inferior around people. Why is that? Why can’t I be the confident person I always was? I have NEVER felt like that before in my life until I got pregnant young. Before that, I never let anyone make me feel inferior and I never felt weird around people. I was just simply me, take me or leave me.

Oh, this world of pleasing. I have got to stop that. Jess, be yourself! Quite trying so dag-on hard to “fit in.”

Yes, that’s me repeatedly telling myself over and over and over again to stop it! But, as always, never works!

--- Help!