Reassessing Me

I’m reading a book by Dr.Phil called Self Matters. I just started on the book, but immediately it gets you thinking. It points out how so many of us begin to form a routine in life and become a robot to this routine and we tend to forget what it was in life that made us unique, what made us, deep-down, happy,  and what our goals and dreams were. He states that we, often times, settle for what seems easy and convenient. I agree fully with what I have read in the book so far. I would highly recommend this book!
As far as the reassessing myself goes, I have really fell victim to the “go with the flow” way of life. I look back, like the book asks you to do, and remember those times that I was happy (not that I am not happy now) and so free spirited. I remember when I didn’t care what others thought and I did what made me happy, not in a selfish way, but in a way of authentically being me. I didn’t settle for what others wanted of me, I didn’t think that dreams were unreachable, I went for what I wanted and had the confidence that if I wanted to succeed that I would. I really didn’t notice that over the past couple of years I have become a hermit in my own shell. I care too much about what others expect and think of me. I try too hard to meet their expectations, I settle for what is the easiest, and I don’t focus on myself. I don’t want to be selfish and tend to forget that just because you designate a little time to yourself and to what makes you unique doesn’t make you selfish. I have really guarded myself from being “put out there.” I always wanted to be a writer of some sort and a photographer. I wrote poems multiple times a day and even had a couple published, but I lost touch with it because when I started my family I didn’t see myself as having the time to focus on me and silly dreams that could or couldn’t happen. I had to do what was best for my family. I had to find something stable and something beneficial for my family. I gave up on what made me unique and went straight for what made me like everyone else in a sense. I took the easy road, not that technically it is easy, because even settling (I do not mean settling like I settled for my marriage or motherhood that was all my choosing and I couldn’t be happier) doesn’t make things easy, I just found a way to keep myself from attaining who I was meant to be. I would not EVER change my marriage or having kids, that is not what this reassessment is about. It’s about finding yourself again. Not yourself in a sense of being a Mother or a Wife, but the you that isn’t those things. I love being married and I love having my children and I know that being a wife and mother was one thing I was put on this Earth to be.
I guess you could safely say that this pertains to finding the career in life that makes you you, but also gives you the confidence to reach for what you want in life, not just in a career, but in a hobby, in a way of living, etc.
I have always had a passion for photography and even wanted to go to college for photography, but again it became to be a “well, that chosen field is pass or fail and if it fails it will not be beneficial to myself and my family and could do more harm than good.” So, it was dropped. Why? Because we aim for things that are comfortable and stable, things that are less stressful and less iffy. We find ourselves going with something that we have no passion for and end up being miserable everyday, not being able to wake up happy about your accomplishments. Why? because we go through the motions like a robot and stick with it because it’s the easiest thing to do.
Granted, I am in college to be a teacher and that was always another thing I was quite passionate about. I think that if it were totally up to me to choose whatever in the world I wanted to choose it would have been photography or being a counselor, though. I love helping people.
Well, that is all for now. I am sure there will be more to write and discuss the further along I get in the book.
* You should really check the book out.